Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta!

    In the area I’m from, I know a lot of people who claim to be, or try to act, “gangsta”. To be honest, I see this type of behavior almost everywhere I go nowadays, and it’s quite the humorous sight. I see kids (male and female) talking differently than they normally would, dressing in a different manner, amongst many other changes (that are done with phony ambitions, not because it’s how they are). I get extra laughs out of meeting these people and talking to them, seeing their glaringly false personas take control on the surface. Falseness aside, I find these people hilarious because I am the epitome of what the gangsta persona is all about and it’s not what they are... allow me to explain why it feels good to be a gangsta.

      First of all, the most important piece of equipment needed in your gangsta arsenal is the grill... and no, not the thing you make burgers and hotdogs on, but rather, the lovely piece of metal (sometimes embedded with jewels) that gives your mouth that extra needed jolt for attention. However, anybody can go out and buy one of these items, but a TRUE gangsta makes their own. I had failed attempts with the tops of metal cans (which left my mouth a bloody mess) but I soon learned (thanks to the wisdom of Jason “MayheM” Miller) that aluminum foil works best. To me, cheaper is more gangsta than spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars on items, so if you go aluminum, you go gangsta! I also have a fake/plastic gold tooth that I wear out from time to time when I don’t want the full metal mouth look (I had enough of that when I had braces as a kid), so that’s an acceptable replacement on occasion.

      Now that the mouth is taken care of, let’s cover the bling. Look, I understand that the grill can be categorized in the bling section, and it should be, but I’m choosing to wrap the rest of the bling together and give the grill its own attention. So, your mouth is decked out with stunning aluminum foil (or gold-colored plastic) but your neck, wrists, and hands are naked... have no fear, cheap, grocery store plastic is here! One afternoon, during my gangsta transformation, I went to go buy some chips with my good friend, Conway (fights were coming up and we needed snacks for the whole crew), and on the way out of the local A&P I spotted a 25 cents bling machine... seriously, only a quarter! I went, exchanged a few bucks for quarters and started making myself the master bling daddy of gangstas everywhere. Conway attempted to act as if he didn’t know me, but I made sure to look over and talk to him, calling him by name so that people knew we were friends. I got some sweet, flashy items that I covered my bare neck, wrists, and hands with, taking care of the jewelry stage. I don’t get why people spend so much on their bling, I only spent a few dollars and had a lot more money to make it rain on a future date. Hey, 50 Cent thought he was the most gangsta, only spending 50 cents a pop on his bling (which isn’t true, but it was necessary to say that in order to make this joke work... even though it probably won’t in the end...), but I outdid him... I suppose you could call me 25 Cent now... sorry 50, I’m the king of the block now since I truly utilized the power of the dollar, so don’t be after my chedda; don’t push me, back down, take a back seat, and follow me... it could’ve been you if you found the 25 cent bling first, but now, I’m fully loaded instead... hate it or love it, but God gave me style (hehehe... I wonder how many people will get those references...). Too much? HAHA, sorry, I couldn’t help myself!

      The next necessary item is the headwear. A bandana works but I choose to go with the hat facing frontward and tilted slightly to the side. On occasion I’ll simply wear my hat normally, but the rest of my attire needs to be just right for that to work. When the hat’s covered, you then need a proper wardrobe; I go with the cheap, but slightly baggy pants I use for construction with a hoodie of some sort... some days I wear my swishy pants with either both or one leg rolled up, a necessity in the gangsta world. For shoes you can either go with work boots, shiny sneakers, or plain old black/white (don’t be racist) adidas sneakers. That covers the clothing and jewelry portions, now onto the final accessories.

      Many people feel you need to smoke weed or snort some coke to be legit, but we gangstas actually prefer, instead, to smoke pretzels and snort pixy stix dust. They’re not illegal (YET), they’re cheap, but they get the job done... well, not really, but they look cool... sort of... kind of... maybe... possibly... yeah. Then there’s the case of the weapon (which we all know is necessary)... any plastic gun will do for the most part. However, be very careful with this as, if you get one that looks too realistic, the po-po might just shoot you. I recommend making one out of cardboard... or use your thumb and index finger, there’s nothing more gangsta than that! And the most important thing of all, drink your beverages out of a paper bag. I cannot stress this enough, but to be accepted as a true gangsta, you MUST drink everything out of paper bags. Not only does it allow you to hide which drink you’re drinking (nobody needs to know that I have nesquick in there!), but also, it looks cool... not to mention a drink always tastes better out of a paper bag! After that, give yourself a cool nickname (like 25 Cent, The King Of Bling, or G-licious... all of which are names I’ve used... to name a few) and find an equally gangsta crew to roll with, and you’re gold... nah... PLATINUM (can you say, “baaaaalllllllllllliiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnn”?!)! At this point, you can sit back, sippin’ on gin and juice, enjoying the gangsta life... trust me, I live this... and damn it feels good to be a gangsta!

If you have any questions or comments for G.K., email him at GK@LostYouthNation.com, and be sure to check back here next week for another random article from his unpredictable mind.