This past weekend my family and I went to visit my Aunt and Uncle (my little cousins as well) in Philadelphia. Technically, they live in Phoenixville, but it’s basically Philadelphia, hence why I always tell people that I’m going to Philly. Anyway, I was pumped to go there because every time I do I’m guaranteed all the alcohol I can drink (though I don’t drink that much anymore), great food, lots of entertainment, and a fun time overall. When we arrived, my Aunt, Uncle, two four-year-old twins who were loaded with energy, and some pizza, greeted us; it was a nice start to what I expected to be a terrific weekend. My cousin, Max (ten years old), was at his karate class, so we didn’t see him for another 30 minutes or so. When he did finally arrive, he ate some pizza and then challenged me to play against him on the Wii.

Max and I went to the basement, and after he created me (or is it a Mii?) on his system, we played a game of bowling. Sadly, I lost to him, and in my humorously irritated state, I challenged him to a rematch; he accepted. However, just as he accepted, my twin cousins, Lance and Dylan, came running downstairs and asked to play. So the four of us battled it out in a game of bowling for the ages, with Lance and I pulling away from the pack. I was bowling the game of my life, but so was Lance (in what has been a short life thus far for him), and we clashed until the final frame. The game ended with me scoring a 215; Lance had a 217. I had lost to a four-year-old (well, he’s actually four and a half) and I was ashamed. Lance then asked me to face him in the boxing game, and wanting to redeem myself I accepted his offer. Now, I have a complaint about the Wii boxing game; it does NOT respond exactly to what you’re attempting to do, and it really messed me up. As some of you may know, I love fighting and participate in Mixed Martial Arts (it’s more of a submission grappling league I do, though I have good stand-up which I’ve shown in some of my sparring sessions), and I get a kick out of peppering my opponents before I take them down and submit them, but those talents were worthless in this affair. Yes people, my little cousin Lance knocked me out in the game and I once again was a loser. To be honest, I was proud of the kid for his skills, but I couldn’t look myself in the mirror for the rest of the night.

I awoke the next morning just in time to make the twins’ basketball game, and I’m glad I did. We got to the gym they play at, I had to sign in and get stamped since I wasn’t a member, and we took our seats in the bleachers. The kids warming up was hilarious; almost all of them struggled with their dribbling and would constantly travel and walk to the basket for a close shot, which they mostly missed (but that’s what’s expected from kids their age, so I guess it was cute more so than funny). Also, a little off topic, but the twins CANNOT do jumping jacks properly, which brought a smile to my face; I could only imagine how I had looked at that age, which I’m quite positive made my family laugh (even though I was an amazing athlete, it doesn’t mean I did everything correctly, not by a long shot). The game finally got under way and I was tremendously entertained. Since all the kids are so young, they’re allowed to walk with the ball, and often, the kids would run in circles and when someone asked for a pass, the one with the ball would walk up and hand it to them; vintage stuff for sure. On top of that, whenever the other team got the ball, the kids would have to run back to their net, and, in some fad (?) the kids would all bang their heads on the padded pole holding the basket up; I found it truly intriguing. Lance ended up scoring a basket in what turned out to be a competitive 8-8 final (so he scored a quarter of the points for his team); Lance also had a good amount of rebounds and an assist, which wasn’t important, but I was proud of him. Dylan, the other twin who happens to be my Godson, didn’t do much during the game. He just sort of stood there with his hands up, though he almost made a basket and did get a couple rebounds; I’m a little shocked because Dylan is the better athlete, but Lance is catching up. Regardless of the outcome or how they played, I was impressed with the little ones and they were so happy to see me rooting them on (I clapped even if they tripped and fell, I was a strong supporter without a doubt). We headed back home with the car I was in (which contained my Uncle, Dad, and myself) arriving first.

We go to enter the house and find out that my Mom had locked us out, and my Aunt was the only one with a key, so we had to wait in the cold for them to arrive (it was only about ten minutes, but we were hungry and impatient… we even tried to break into the house with a screwdriver, but couldn’t find one that was small enough). The other car arrived and we entered the house and grabbed some lunch; I was once again challenged to play some bowling, so I agreed to do so in hopes of reclaiming my status. The twins joined Max and myself, and I won both bowling contests. I proudly walked upstairs and enjoyed a cold glass of water while watching the New York Rangers (my favorite hockey team) shutout the Philadelphia Flyers. After the game, I went downstairs and the twins wanted to really fight me while Max played some theme park game. At first I only had to fight Dylan, which meant I had one twin punching me with all his four-year-old power while I occasionally picked him up, spun him around, and lightly slammed him on the couch. Dylan wanted it to be like the game, so he would tell me when I was knocked out and I would have to fall to the ground while he counted to ten (he also told me if I was out cold or not, because if he reached nine and didn’t want it to be over, he’d stop and tell me that I was getting up… at which point I got up). When he did finally “knock me out” we had to re-enact the knockout punch in slow motion, which was hilarious as he sung the song from the game and everything, Lance joined us about 20 minutes in, so now I had a dual attack on me. I’d spin and slam one and then go after the other, but I let them win every single time; about 45 minutes went by and we finally stopped. They got a kick out of it, and I was happy to make them laugh and smile, that’s what matters to me the most; plus I was having fun while doing it, acting like a monster and all, it was great stuff. Eventually it was time to eat dinner; we love dinner when we go there because my Uncle always cooks such amazing food. We had a special shrimp cup concoction and brilliantly cooked steaks, along with a tasty salad that my Aunt made for us. The meal ended and my relatives surprised me with a birthday cake (since they weren’t going to see me this week and wanted to celebrate it with me), which was a pleasant surprise that brought a smile to my face. We all had some cake and then went to the basement to have a family Wii challenge sort of thing. We had the kids all face each other in bowling followed by an all-adult game (my Sister was a part of both games since she’s 19 and my parents refuse to play videogames).

The kids’ game was great as my Godson came out victorious; my Sister didn’t even break 100 and finished last. In the adult game, we decided to make it men against women as well as an individual challenge. I was up in the beginning, but I had a string of bad luck and my Aunt soon passed me; we got down to the last frame with her slightly ahead. She did extremely well in the final frame while I didn’t even get my third roll, so my Aunt won the individual contest (I came in second, but she beat me by a good amount). Adding insult to injury, my Uncle and I didn’t have our best games, and my Sister did much better than normal, and the women beat us by a few points. Hurt and broken, I was then called out by little Lance to a game of boxing again. Now, though I was ashamed at that moment, I saw this as an opportunity to regain some respect, and the game began. Normally, I’d go easy on the kid, but this was a match for blood, and I was in quite the vampiric (which probably isn’t a real word, but work with me here) state of mind. It got to the second round and all I had to do was hit the kid once to win while he had to hit me a good five times; he knocked me out in front of everyone and I immediately grabbed a beer to drink away the sorrow. Of course, once I saw how happy the kid was, I got over it and gave him his props; I’d definitely beat that four year old (sorry; four and a half year old) in a real fight though! The kids were put to bed, the adults had a couple drinks, and we eventually called it a night.

The next morning I woke up to the twins jumping on my bed asking to play the Wii. Max was at church, so I told them that they had to wait for him to get back, and they surprisingly sat down next to me and watched some cartoons in peace. I went upstairs to grab some breakfast and Lance started carrying the game around, begging my Uncle to let him play it, but he told him that he had to wait until later. Finally, Max got home and we (Max, Lance, and I) played some bowling while Dylan stayed upstairs playing with some toy cars. We played two games and I lost both, but I wasn’t upset since I was now used to the taste of defeat. It was time for us to come back to New Jersey, and when little Lance heard he started crying a river. “I don’t want you to go,” he screamed; I felt terrible. We flipped his attention to something else and he cheered up and gave me a smile as my family and I left the house (though he did run to the glass door in the front waving with a sad face on soon after). It was an awesome weekend that I thoroughly enjoyed; the kids cracked me up (even though they beat me down) and my Aunt and Uncle were very hospitable. It’s always great to see my family, I love them, and I can’t wait to see them again; next time, however, I will defeat the little ones in boxing and bowling!

If you have any questions or comments for G.K., email him at GK@LostYouthNation.com, and be sure to check back here next Friday for another random article from his unpredictable mind.